Hi everyone,

Just a quick update that I am now blogging for Reality Tea.com, one of the most popular reality television blogs! I’ll be writing an average of one news post M-F, and also doing some recaps. Right now, I am recapping Top Chef.

Thanks for sticking around, and do join me on Reality Tea!

xoxo
Maria

This was too good to keep for myself, and if you follow me on Twitter, you already know what happened, but I must share it with everyone.

So, all comments to the blog are e-mailed to me. Most blogs are set up this way, and I like to get a copy in case someone is being threatening, for safe keeping (for a while, this was a real concern). A few days ago I received two comments on posts that I could tell were almost a year old. I figured they would be spam, and I was right, but it was a very entertaining kind of spam. This was the comment:

“If you ever thought to yourself I hate Jill Zarin? Take a minute to check this out.She may not be your favorite, but her new line of Skweez Couture is an amazing product.

Now, this is a pretty obvious shill. Who cares about Skweez Couture other than Jill and Bawwwwwby, who likely backed his wife’s latest vanity project? In about an hour, I received another comment on an old Jill post:

Why do people say I hate Jill Zarin? Just because it’s called “reality” TV doesn’t make it an accurate portrayal of who a person really is. Do your research, Jill is a good person who does more than just appear on RHONY…she also does a lot of charity work and has a great new line of Shape wear called Skweez Couture to help us all look hot! Thank you Jill!

This one was a little more complex, defending Jill, blaming reality television, and bringing up her charity work. Skweez is mentioned but without the link to the website, which I can’t decide if that was intentional or simply an oversight by the PR intern who had to leave these comments. But, it’s still fake. And the most hilarious part of these comments isn’t the Skweez mentions, but this:

See how in both comments the terms “I hate Jill Zarin” was used, and in both comments, the words “I hate Jill Zarin” linked to jillzarin.com? That, my dears, is a small attempt to (a) get more links to Jill Zarin’s blog out there so her site will be higher in the google results, and (b) is an attempt to associate the words “I hate Jill Zarin” with JILL’s website, and not uh, other websites.

Right now, the number one google result for Jill is her own website, so good job, team! However, the words “i hate jill zarin” (a very popular search term) lead several blog posts by LynnNChicago, who writes the “I hate Jill Zarin” blog. This little blog is the last result on the first page of results, with one of my articles about Jill. No wonder I got spam-commented on twice!

Now, by no means is this an article meant to single out Jill for this kind of behavior. No doubt Jill paid thousands of dollars to a PR firm or “reputation defender” firm to try and push negative information to the bottom of Google. Nearly everyone does it. In the past few years, Gretchen Rossi had a very aggressive comment faker on this blog, always ready to attack whenever I posted anything snarky about her. Bethenny is another reality star who I also believe employs people to leave fake positive comments on blogs and forums. Last month, when the TWOP forum for Bethenny Ever After was getting out of control negative, a few sketchy posters appeared who were new, and who were just a bit too positive.

So, this is all part of the game for these people. But, I wanted to put the word out there to Jill’s firm (and really, any other reality stars who attempt to astroturf my comments again), that some of us have been around the block a long, long time, some of us actually know SEO, and if you’re so interested in getting links to Skweez or Gretchen Christine Bootay or whatever new thing you’re doing, you’re more than welcome to purchase an ad. My rates start at $15 a month for text and $25 for a banner. Email me at maria@mariadiaz.org

Hey everyone,

As you’ve all noticed, there’s been no new posts for quite some time. To be totally honest, my life has gotten very busy in the past two months and I’ve barely had time to keep up with the shows much less write about them. My TiVo laughs at me whenever I turn it on because I’ll never be able to catch up.

I hadn’t logged into the site in a couple weeks out of the anxiety of reading your comments. It sounds silly, but I hate dissapointing you. But I have so much going on right now with my new full-time job and travel that I can’t give this site the attention I used to be able to devote to it.

And that makes me sad. Because most of all, I miss all of you, my readers, and I miss the comeraderie and community. But, I must take care of myself, and I must make certain things a priority. I’m not going to delete the site and run away. It’ll stay up. Please feel free to use the comments. I do want to come back, when my head is clearer and I have a goal.

I believe fully that we need good, smart writing about television and that’s what I want to provide. I needed to change the name to get away from the association with “housewives” blog-osphere which in the past few months has just become a cesspool of idiotic drama that I have no desire to be a part of. I may also in the future, contribute to Reality Tea.

If you want to keep up with me I’m on Twitter as @mariadiaz and I’m writing on my personal blog. You can also email me at maria@mariadiaz.org. You can also add me on Twitter as @tvontherocks to know when I’ll return to the site.

Again, thanks! And I apologize for leaving you hanging.

xoxo
Maria

Hey everyone,

I’m going to Los Angeles for a social media conference April 6-8 and I really wanted to have at least one meal at Villa Blanca, Lisa Vanderpump’s restaurant. Do I have any readers in L.A. who want to meet up and go knock back some pink wine with me? If anyone is interested, please contact me! I’d love to meet any readers and buy them a glass of pink wine!

xoxo
Maria

Gather round, folks! We’re going to try something a little different just for today. We have so many things to talk about I thought instead of doing individual posts we could just talk about whatever wanted and let the good times roll! Grab a cocktail and let’s get ready to talk our television obsessions.

So, first off: Bethenny Ever After. The second season of Bravo’s star student has had to face some dwindling ratings in its sophomore effort, but then again, it doesn’t have the traction of an insane Real Housewives of New York City. I’m enjoying it a little more, BUT (you saw that coming, right?) Bethenny’s complaining about how much she has to do all the time grates on my nerves. If the appeal of her brand is that she is just a normal woman trying to get by and better herself, then she needs to realize who her audience actually is, that is, most of her audience does not have multiple hired people to help with every single little thing.

Second, the idea that Bethenny is in charge of her licquor distribution is also a funny plot line they are trying to sell the audience. Like Jason is just going to take over SkinnyGirl and get on the phone and DEMAND it be carried everywhere! Bethenny has a business partner and straight from her own website, she is partnered with distribution networks in many states. Speaking of Jason, the drama with his parents is already getting old by the second episode. I can see both sides of the coin, as a person from a large, close-knit family who happens to be an introverted loner. At some point, you have to compromise.

Taking our talents over to South Beach, the Real Housewives of Miami is picking up just a bit. Lea Black charmed my heart with her ensemble of insanity in last Tuesday’s episode, depicted beautifully by my pal Gilmore at Pretty On The Outside:

Wearing an outfit like this in public and not to say, a drag queen bingo night, is the very epitome of having “fuck you money.” The conflicts on RHOM are truly inconsequential and seem faker than usual for the Housewives franchise. Adriana’s art show? Don’t care. Christy crashing the charity event that people like Kim Zolciak and Joe Francis attended? Don’t care. Christy just needs to admit she couldn’t afford the ticket and let go. Larsa Pippen giggling in her messy closet about firing a nanny? Not interested. But still, I watch. Why? There’s a question for the shrink!

Moving on to something I actually like: Oprah’s behind the scenes show, Season 25! It’s incredible. We learn Oprah doesn’t really do anything on her show besides show up, get her protein shake, and get her hair done. The producers drive everything on the show and every minute is painfully choreographed. Best moment so far: Oprah refusing to reshoot a scene after producers messed up some footage. It was a great display of the power Oprah yields. Second favorite: watching an incredibly gay staffer of Oprah’s cry tears of joy after meeting President Bush was another very genuine moment. The whole show is totally worth watching.

My favorite news story this week has got to be about our old pals the Salahis. After news broke that they would be on Celebrity Rehab, they followed that up by actually getting kicked off the show! Michaele was asked to leave by the staff because she had no addiction and did not belong there. I beg to differ; Michaele is suffering from FameWhoreItis, a very strong case. To make matters worse, Tareq Salahi stiffed MICHAEL LOHAN on rent and was kicked out of Lohan’s rental.

Anyone else get the feeling that the Salahis are just messing with us now?

So, now it’s your turn. What do you think about Bethenny’s new season? What other train wreck (or non train wreck) tv are you watching?

The Real Housewives of New York City’s fourth season has been put through the drama machine! Bravo announced the eagerly anticipated New York women will return in just a few weeks. The new trailer is less “woo-hoo we’re renewed and happy to be back” and a lot more f-bombs and confrontations. My suggested subtitle for the show: Everybody Hates Alex. Check out the new trailer:

Well, we came back to our original Botox babes, the Real Housewives of Orange County last night. And it feels so good to be back in the warm bosom of fake Tuscan decor and silicone.

The girls got new opening lines this season, and a few changes to their title sequences. Tamra Barney’s young kids are no longer in her sequence (but the hateful Ryan Vieth, who has been up to no good as usual is featured), and Slade Smiley, Gretchen’s boyfriend is now back in the titles like he’s been dreaming about. Personally, I say they bring back Gretchen’s adorable dogs.

Since we last caught up with our ladies, poor Alexis is down to just one nanny and she doesn’t even show up to the Bellino household on a daily basis. Boo hoo. She is now forced to parent which for her involves burning toast. Alexis still hates Vicki after their argument last season, and is Gretchen’s BFF. She also needs to bring up Jesus every 5 seconds.

Tamra is now a free bitch, baby and is involved in a bad romance (see what I did there?) with her boyfriend Eddie Judge who she started dating .5 seconds after ex-husband Simon filed for a divorce. Amongst his top qualities: he’s hot and he speaks Spanish.

Vicki is still pretending her marriage is going to work and we watch an excruciating argument between her and Donn about re-arranging a room in their house. Can this marriage be saved? I looked in my crystal ball/TMZ and the answer is….No.

The memo from Bravo has obviously reached OC that the women must start off with a major dose of drama. We no longer a tame little season opener where we catch up with the ladies, instead they hit the ground running and went for a very easy method of provocation: getting Gretchen Rossi drunk. Tamra had a trunk show at her boyfriend’s house and invited all the girls because that’s what she is contractually obligated to do. Gretchen got drunk on champagne in the limo on the way to Tamra’s and during a demo of the clothing, made a joke about a hat with an “evil eye” directed at Tamra.

The real fight however, was between Gretchen and Alexis. See Gretchen’s new storyline is that she is an Independent Woman. Alexis made a joke that Gretchen was a “princess” for having the ability to sleep in, due to the fact she had no children waking her up to burn toast. Gretchen flew off the deep end, and started singing “The shoes on my feet/I’ve bought it
The clothes I’m wearing/I’ve bought it/The rock I’m rockin’
I’ve bought it.” like it was 1999 all over again. Well, actually she didn’t do that, but it was almost like she did. She started going off about how she made her own money and how she wasn’t a princess.

Gretchen continued to be drunk and annoying and hee-haw her way through the rest of the episode, even continuing to fight with Alexis after they left. Gretchy’s fight with Tammy can be understood, but given that Vicki doesn’t like her and her man is a punchline, Gretchen shouldn’t attack the allies she has left on the show.

All in all, I’m so glad our girls are back. There’s something so comforting about the OC housewives. Maybe it’s Vicki’s love tank.

What did you think of the episode?

This week’s episode opens with the chef’s having breakfast and discussing what will happen today. Antonia suggests Padma will probably show up and much to their surprise, she walks in the door. She asks the chefs to join her upstairs which prompts Antonia to wonder if the Quickfire will be base jumping off the roof while cooking an egg before hitting the ground. Oh the visual. It was actually so Padma could point to Ellis Island, the place you go when you want to confront your family history.

The chefs board a ferry and find directions for their Quickfire waiting for them. The chefs make a dish using ingredients scavenged from the ferry’s snack bar, with the ferry’s foghorn as the start and stop whistle. This led to a waiting scene in which the chefs idle at the counter asking “When is this horn gonna blow?” It wasn’t the scene Bravo probably thought it’d be. Eventually the horn sounded. Unfortunately, the ferry doesn’t have liquid nitrogen so Richard has to improvise. Fortunately, he travels with MREs and incorporates them into his dish. Carla dropped rosemary (I’ve never seen rosemary at a snack counter.) into a juice bottle, Antonia grilled apple and cheese between raisin bread, Tiffany stirred dried fruit into a bowl of popcorn. They were like the Swiss Family Robinson with gas-station food.

As the ferry docked, Padma entered with Chef Dan Barber. Carla pondered Chef Barber’s fondness for local ingredients, seeing as they’d all made plates of junk food. But Barber was game. He was there to judge them, not to judge them.

Blais revealed his “take on banh mi,” a hot dog and beef jerky sandwich with jalapeno, pork rinds, lettuce, and apple that didn’t look or sound anything like banh mi. Mike made a disparaging comment about Tiffany’s nachos even though he was the least equipped to say anything bad about anyone. He had made something called bread soup. It was cheese soup thickened with bread. “Hopefully if I keep mashing it, it’ll emulsify,” and the “it” was a hot dog bun. Oh my. Tiffany’s nachos with cheese, lettuce, tomato, jalapeno, banana peppers, and sour cream (a.k.a. nachos) scored just a hair above Mike’s soup and below Antonia’s grilled cheese and Blais’ banh mi dog. That left Carla’s orange and papaya salad with carrot and rosemary juice on top, where it definitely belonged.

Padma begins introducing the Elimination Challenge. The chefs receive books detailing their individual ancestry, put together by “one of the best genealogists in the country.” Each chef would create a dish inspired by their family’s history, using their book and the help of a secret team…of family members!

Richard hugs his pregnant wife, Tiffany whispering “God is good” into her mother’s shoulder (instead of her new husband being there), Carla with her Match.com husband, Antonia with her mom, and here’s the real surprise: Mike with his mom. Even villains, it turns out, have moms.

Everyone pores over their ancestry information. Richard has relatives who owned a butcher shop and there was a chemist in the family. Carla’s great-great-grandpa was in the Civil War. And most shocking – Antonia and Mike have relatives in common back in Sicily. They are related. So surprised. Even Bravo couldn’t have scripted it this way.

Back at the chef’s house, they find a key to a Toyota hybrid and a DVD from Padma announcing the winner of this Elimination Challenge will win the car. Funny, I never find keys to new cars on my counter when I get home.  I’d settle for keys to a used car.

As the chefs prepared their dishes, the family members and judges assembled. Talk turns to the chefs as children and who started cooking the earliest. Mike’s mom said he started cooking when he was 3 years old.  His cousin Antonia didn’t start until she was 10. Richard’s wife is exactly as expected – beautiful, athletic and as Richard says, competitive. Carla’s husband tells the group how they met on Match.com.

When Tom called Blais’ dish “all right,” she shot a look that coincided precisely with a musical BOOM. “I mean, not all right. It’s ALL RIGHT,” went Tom. After that, things went back to going swell. Everyone loved everyone, and Antonia’s mom asked if they couldn’t all just make it through.

At Judges’ Table,all five chefs are brought in for discussion. Every one’s dish was praised. Gail enthused over Carla’s cheddar biscuits, freeze-dried-fried grits, and broth. But had anyone except Richard used something called glasswort? No, obviously not. Blais’ short ribs, potatoes, fried bone marrow, corn puree, and pickled glasswort fit the story he was telling, according to Tom. The judges said Mike did his late grandmother proud with her recipe – potato gnocchi with braised pork, shank ragu, and burrata cheese – which he’d been scared to attempt since her death. Tiffany’s braised short rib with mustard greens, stewed okra, and oxtail marmalade won everyone over, despite Tom’s noted distaste for okra.

In the end, Antonia’s braised veal, rapini leaf, and fava bean risotto took the win. It looked beautiful, and the judges said it was basically a perfect plate of food. She wins the Toyota and goes on the the finals in the Bahamas. Mike is the next to get the nod to start packing his island wear. Padma then tells Richard, “Richard, please pack your knives…………………and go to the Bahamas.” I thought I was going to hyperventilate and I think Richard may have wet himself.

Carla and Tiffany are left the last two standing. After some cruel fakeouts, the judges made a startling revelation: All five will travel to the Bahamas!

Thoughts? Should all five go to the finals? Who is going to win?

Finally, Michaele and Tareq Salahi are headed to the one reality show that is deserving of their many…talents. TMZ reports that our favorite party crashers are slated to join the cast of VH1′s Celebrity Rehab along with Bai Ling and Michael Lohan, amongst others.

The only thing that would make this better is if Jon Gosselin and Joe Francis were joining them!

What exactly do you think the Salahis are going to rehab for? Is compulsive lying now a treatable addiction?

Poor Miami — always getting the Bravo shaft. First, it was that horrific shit show Miami Social (which btw, I watched every excruciating episode back when this blog was corporate), and now they have a real dud on their hands with the Real Housewives of Miami. The ladies didn’t get the usual non-stop advertising blitz that the other housewives get and they screwed themselves even more by refusing to use a logical Twitter hashtag. Instead of #rhom, Bravo insists we call this show #rhmia. Because everyone knows airport codes!

The premiere episode was pretty dull, but I’ll cut them some slack since all housewives premiere episodes are dull. It’s all about establishing characters, showing off houses, and talking head interviews about how busy you are in your incredibly demanding life that includes personal staff for every whim. My original analysis of the women was exactly on target. Larsa Pippen is the Camille, Marysol is single Adrienne Maloof, Lea Black is the Jill Zarin, Cristy is the boring Sheree, Alexia is clueless Lynne Curtin, and Adriana is flirty, drunken Tamra Barney.

The only wild card in this series is Marysol’s delightful mother Elsa, who declares she’s not from the Victorian era and can talk sex with her daughter. As far as her not being from two centuries ago… I’d personally like to see some proof.